Weekend Getaway in Robertson – A Trip Down Pleasantville Lane

As a self-declared travel blogger who relies heavily on the presence of disfunction & disorder as to create memorable, and occasionally laughable posts, every now and then I am confronted with an unavoidable predicament. A situation whereby no matter how hard I try, and how much sarcasm I utilize, I am unable to find any eccentricities or unconventionalities (thank you Thesaurus) in our travels. No hilarious interactions. No unexplainable phenomenon. Just an overall agreeable & pleasant journey. You know, the type that warms the grandparents’ hearts yet causes everyone else to try “swipe right” (bad is right, right?). Yes, that.

However, since I made the inane personal promise to release a new blog post each and every week, it is my solemn duty to abide by this undertaking. Despite the insurmountable challenge it poses to my self-worth as an amateur blogger. Because, at the end of the day, there is a small fraction of blog readers who blame us for allegedly “stealing” their grandchildren, and from time to time, we do need to appease them, despite the repercussions such a decision has on the “comedic element” of these blog posts. Thus, to compromise on all fronts, please find a fairly abridged and CliffsNotes-esque version of our weekend getaway, with the occasionally interspersed attempts at failed humor:

• Where did we go? Robertson, South Africa – A small town located 2 hours from Cape Town, commonly known as the gateway to Route 62 – The longest wine route in the world, which also happens to be located within the self-declared “Valley of Wine & Roses.” So basically, the most “pleasant” place possible. Sigh.

 

• Where did we stay? A quaint cottage located along the riverbanks of a working olive tree farm. In the middle of a mountainous valley. In utter solitude. Disgustingly pleasant.

 

• Who did we go with? A couple friends and their like-aged children (to ours that is). Social remnants of my “past life” here in SA, with which we get along "swimmingly," despite not having seen one another for the last 11 years. Ugh.

 

• Why did we go? A unique combination of wanting to explore the ever-popular “weekend getaway” scene around Cape Town, as well as the fact that Airbnb’s in South Africa are essentially dirt cheap at the moment thanks to that whole “pandemic” thing (i.e., 4-bedroom house for $200/night). I guess that qualifies as a fairly “interesting” tidbit on the weekend? Hurray!

 
What were the highlights? 

• Exploring the Farm – From hiking amongst olive trees to kayaking along the Breede River, our Airbnb’s “backyard” seemingly never ended. I bet you can think of a word to describe said environment. Maybe starts with the letter “p”?
• Fire Pit Evenings – In one of the rare unpleasant moments of the weekend, it did become a tad windy during our evenings spent alongside the fire pit. Which forced us, post-s’more-session of course, to relocate indoors and partake in the customary South African tradition of watching old Trevor Noah stand-up specials
• Angry/Woke Julie – All you need is a couple glasses of wine and a not guilty verdict from a controversial trial back home. And watch out, she’s coming out raging!
• Deep Meaningful Debates:
  • Oscar Pistorius leg selection in jail (Answer = Pool noodles, as anything else could easily be converted into a weapon). #poolnoodlepistorius
  • The proper amount of pre-rinsing/washing required for effective dishwasher performance (Answer = Consensus opinion failed to be reached)
  • What exactly is a funyun? (Answer = Surprisingly difficult to describe)

 
What were the lowlights? 

• The Pleasantness – It was just excruciatingly pleasant.
• Happy Children - The kids refused to fight with each other, no matter how many situations we placed them in that promoted anarchy (e.g., requiring a conch to speak).
• The Shallot Shortage of 2021 - I guess we did forget to bring shallots. So, Saturday’s breakfast was delicious, but not AS delicious as it could’ve been

And there you have it. A very nice. Very enjoyable. Somewhat relaxing. Overall agreeable, weekend away.
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Onto the pics: