Visitors Round 2: Let’s Ignore Our Sanity & Do All The Things

As someone who has all but immersed themselves in travel around South Africa over the years, it should come as no surprise that after 5 visits in the last 20 years (2 of which could best be described as “mini-life-crises”), I have compiled quite the “bucket list” of activities in which to partake during time spent in this nation of rainbows. From sights requiring seeing, restaurants necessitating dining and of course places demanding going, it is exceedingly difficult to whittle down this extensive list, especially when presented with a finite amount of time in which to do so.

Thus, when our 2nd set of visitors (henceforth known as “The McNelligans”), made the initial decision to visit for a 2-week period during our “farewell tour” of South Africa, it was quite the challenge to not only develop an itinerary that provided a well-rounded glimpse of all that South Africa has to offer, but also abided by some fairly-specific requirements, set out before us:

Requirement #1 = Epic Safari – With over 40 game reserves around the country, this was by far the easiest requirement to fulfill. And also the least surprising. I mean, who visits southern Africa without going on a safari? It would be the equivalent of traveling to Brazil and not coming home with ass implants. I mean, right? Right.

Requirement #2 = No Malaria – With a 7-month-old in tow, and the combination of malaria & young infants typically resulting in fairly “unideal” outcomes, we had to whittle down our list of potential safari destinations fairly drastically (as over 95% of games reserves in South Africa are conveniently located in the region officially declared by the CDC as “no bueno”). Nonetheless, with 2 mosquito-free options remaining, a safari was still to be had!

Requirement #3 = Do All The Things – Aside from seeing animals and not dying in the process, the last requirement was by far the most extensive – “do all the things” -- A challenge we were more than experienced in tackling after 11 months of doing exactly that. And while this choice of “travel style” would eventually result in occupying a van with 3 children under the age of 5, for multiple hours on end, day-after-day-after-day, honestly, what’s the worst that could happen? It’s not as if we were traveling with children known for having meltdowns over inane notions such as the inability to put a recently picked booger back into the nose from which it was just pulled. I mean, that would just be ridiculous. Ridiculous I say!

(Pause for dramatic effect / awkward literary transition)

Now, as this isn’t our first South African travel blog, and the eventual itinerary with the McNelligans involved quite a few “repeats” from years past, it felt prudent to avoid regurgitating from prior posts, when attempting to summarize our experiences from their visit. Thus, to maintain the focus of what I can only assume at this point are 13 ½ loyal readers, I decided that instead of re-portraying those aspects of our trip that have been so carefully documented over the years, I instead would give this particular blog post a much more "personal touch," providing a more-colorful-albeit-less-informative account of events. And of course, add to that a sh*t-load of photos too. Just to pack things up nice and pretty. 

Onward we go.

Highlights OF THE Highlights (Week 1):

• Cape Town Things:
  • Camps Bay Beach – A close tie between the sight of 90% of Cape Town “influencers” descending upon the beach for some “sunset selfies” AND watching a poorly-balanced Miles take his first mouthful of sand (not to worry, Maureen’s first instinct was laughter, as it should have been!)
  • Lions Head Hike – Attempting to widow Julie in order to take a completely unplanned, naturally-framed, and caught-in the-moment “looking away into the distance” photo… while perched on the edge of a cliff
  • The Food – “The Tuna Can” 

 

• Cape Peninsula Tour:
  • Cape Point – Amazing cliffside views over the Atlantic Ocean, only slightly diminished by the realization that driving around with 3 kids under the age of 5 for the next 2 weeks is going to be… well.. an experience
  • Muizenberg Beach – Avoiding a minefield of tetanus while exploring dozens of colorful huts, currently experiencing a non-OSHA-sanctioned remodel effort
  • Boulders Beach – Waddling penguins, swimming penguins, and the occasional “leave-me-the-F-alone” penguin
  • Chapman’s Peak – Postcard pictures w/the postcard couple (if you know, you know)

Highlights OF THE Highlights (Week 2):

• Route 62:
  • Farm Stalls – Fresh fruit, delicious biltong, all with a nearby playground to help with a much-needed energy release, as our children had apparently discovered a stash of Four Lokos laced with cocaine in the back seat of the van
  • Ronnie’s Sex Shop – I mean, did you read the name of this place? But yeah, definitely shooting the sh*t with Ronnie over some ice-cold Black Label beers. The man has some stories to tell.
  • Calitzdorp – Attempting to find our sophisticated side during a tasting of port wines. A Lonely Planet-recommended “digestif” immediately proceeding the visit of a “sex shop”
  • Oudtshoorn – Learning about ostriches, photographing ostriches and of course, eating ostriches (in no particular order). Unfortunately, riding has officially been banned due to that pesky “morality” thing

 

• Garden Route
  • Wilderness – I’d say the nature part was probably the highlight of this appropriately-named oceanside village
  • Touw River Canoe/Hike – If you ignore the freezing cold AM temperatures, the up-current/up-wind water conditions, an underwhelming waterfall and of course sharing this all with a group of 75 school children, it was an AMAZING experience. 1 partially-frost-bitten thumbs up
  • Knysna – The city known around the world for oysters... conveniently out of oysters… due to the upcoming festival for… yup… oysters. I take that back, this was not a highlight whatsoever.

 

• Addo National Park – Elephants, elephants & elephants oh my! With a close 2nd being our 4-hour adventure in producing a food-cookable fire from a bundle of wood I can only assume had been stored in a swimming pool for the last 2 1/2 years. 

The OTHER Highlights:

• Matt finally landing his first successful dad joke, 12 days into the visit (despite 11 days of relentless, and failed, attempts)
• Maureen discovering the source of her kryptonite for games (please DM her for more insight)
• “Lincoln Big Feelings Time” – Lots, and lots, and lots, and lots… of big feelings
• iPad-free Drives – We dug our own grave with this “family rule” – Resulting in the inevitable hours upon hours of The Ultimate Sibling Battle (typically with the common thread revolving around debates on “who looked at / touched / sang in the direction of, who”)
• Realizing that a married couple in their late 30s still find it socially acceptable to kiss at EVERY SINGLE red light (and not just once, but three times). There are just no words anymore.

(Queue up friendly reminder = All of this occurred in a matter of 13 days)

Now, while it took only 10 minutes of driving at the commencement of our road trip to fully appreciate that the limits of our sanity would undoubtedly be tested, what we did not envision, were the benefits of surrounding ourselves with like-minded peers, 24/7, for almost 2 consecutive weeks. And not because said friends provided a form of socialization that had been drastically lacking for almost a year. But because said friends filled the missing niche that we had oh-so-desired since the start of our year abroad – Marital Disagreement Debate Resolution.

Let me explain.

For those that have been lucky enough to relish in the joyous experience that is commonly known as a “marital disagreement,” you are keenly aware that there are only two eventual outcomes:

1. You are wrong = You lose
2. You are right = You lose

However, a rare opportunity presents itself from time to time, whereby a 3rd party is able to intervene, and provide a final declaration of winner/loserdom. And while most rely on a seasoned professional (i.e. therapist) to provide such a determination, there is another rarely-used alternative, which relies heavily on immersing yourselves in the presence of others, for a significant period of time (e.g. visiting friends). Who after 2 weeks of 24/7 contact, are more than versed in your marital mannerisms.

So, purely hypothetically speaking, if a spouse were to declare something as ridiculous as “most people in America live to be over 100 years old” (since of course, the grandmother of this opinion-holder is almost 100 years of age), well, there really is no reasoning with a person that believes such a notion. However, with “Marital Disagreement Debate Resolution,” resolve is only a quick democratic vote away!

And thus summarizes our 2 weeks spent with the McNelligans. An impeccable opportunity to provide finality to arguments that previously would be… well… undetermined. For example:

• “You said (insert statement the other person definitely did not say)”
• “I told you (insert vague date) that you needed to (insert vague activity), which you didn’t do”
• (Insert fact declaration which is definitely not a fact, ending with “google it!”)
• “I can’t believe you are putting this all in your blog. That is ridiculous”

And so, it was. Team Mark vs Team Julie: The Ultimate Battle. Finally settled once and for all.

Thanks, McNelligans! Our marriage has never been better!

Onto the “assload” of pics AND videos: