Summer Holiday Trip (3 of 3) - Searching for Whales and Spare Tires in the Overberg

PRE-BLOG WARNING – This is a pretty long blog post. While family members are all but obliged to suffer through, for all others, a strong pot of coffee may be helpful in powering through to the end. That or your favorite mood-enhancing drug. Probably best not to combine the two though.

A week after returning from our safari in Kruger, we repacked our bags (which I must say, has become quite the exercise in efficiency at this point), and hit the road, once again, to embark on 7 nights in the Overberg – A self-declared region an hour or so from Cape Town, that literally translates to “over the mountain” (which begs one to inquire, what do you call the region on the other side of the mountain – Underberg?). #baddadjokes

With our plan to tackle some of the lesser-visited areas of the Western Cape Province (i.e. the places Rick Steves sends his interns' interns), the first leg of our adventure was fairly driveway-centric, as we attempted a trial-and-error exercise in packing a week’s worth of luggage into our trusty VW Polo, a car that barely fits two children and a stroller. After multiple failures, we finally managed to “Tetris” our way to success, which unfortunately came at the detriment of our boy’s available foot space (“Why are my toes so high?”). Nonetheless, with our car packed, and our kids suffering from mild joint discomfort, we were on our way.

Destination #1 - Stony Point Penguin Colony

• Distance from Cape Town: 92KM / ~ 1h25
• Location: Betty’s Bay
• Length of Stay: 20 minutes
• Overview: Known to most as the “poor man’s Boulders,” the penguin colony in Betty’s Bay features the same species of African penguins as its sister colony in Simonstown, yet regrettably lacks all the non-penguin elements which make the latter so enticing. While Boulders is stunningly photogenic, providing visitors the opportunity to swim amongst penguins before relaxing on a pristine white sand beach, Stony Point provides a slightly different experience. In that, there is no beach, there is no swimming, and while there are penguins, their waddle just doesn’t seem to have that same pizzazz as it does in its sister colony. 
• Our Personal Synopsis: Still debating whether the $2 entrance fee was too pricey for the experience of walking along an old boardwalk while inhaling a lifetimes worth of penguin poo fumes
• Fun Fact: The African Penguin is also commonly known as the Jackass Penguin, due to the honking or “donkey-like brays” which echo from their vocal chambers. Or in 18th century explorer terms, “they art super annoying and shall be named accordingly.”

Destination #2 - Harold Porter Botanical Gardens

• Distance from Cape Town: 95KM / ~1h30
• Location: Betty’s Bay
• Length of Stay: 2 hours
• Overview: In order to relieve our nasal passageways from the smell of penguin feces, we sought out a bit of fresh air at the nearby Harold Porter Botanical Gardens, as to hike the highly rated Leopard’s Kloof Waterfall Trail. A “family-friendly” hike, if of course said family does not include a 2 and 4-year-old, we were fairly successful, in that we almost reached the namesake of the hike. At which point the patriarch of the family abandoned his loved ones, scaled several non-OSHA-compliant ladders, and had a moment of solitude with a falling stream of water. Poetic, I know.
• Our Personal Synopsis: While a waterfall would normally be the climax of a “waterfall hike,” the real highlight was the Scottish couple we met, who, in a fairly incomprehensible Scottish accent, complimented us on our “huge balls” for our year abroad endeavor. Three sets to be precise (sorry Julie, I know the wife would’ve complimented your ovaries if she weren’t so soft-spoken).
• Fun Facts: To hike the Leopard’s Kloof Trail, a key is required to access a gate about 20 minutes into the trail. This key should be promptly returned to the office before one's departure, and not held in your pocket until you are well over an hours drive away, being forced to turn back around to return it.

Destination #3 - Hermanus

• Distance from Cape Town: 126KM / ~1h45 (Boring Route) | 148KM / ~2h15 (Scenic Route)
• Location: Hermanus
• Length of Stay: 5 Nights
• Overview: A small & quaint seaside town only a few hours away from Cape Town, Hermanus is well-known across South Africa for comprising two unique and complimentary elements:
  • Southern Right Whales – Each and every spring, the Southern right whale returns from the icy waters of Antarctica and gets it “calving” on in the warmer-yet-still-shrinkage-prone waters of Walker Bay. As whales & whale pups are easily visible from the cliffs overlooking the bay, it is no wonder Hermanus is so popular with the next group…
  • Old People – What better way to celebrate retirement than by taking daily strolls along the boardwalk and straining your cataract-filled eyes in pursuit of whales? Seems like a match made in heaven!
• Our Personal Synopsis: While I do love a bit of cynicism from time-to-time (i.e., most of the time), Hermanus was fairly kickass. As you will see in the photo section (which most of you have undoubtedly skipped to at this point).
• Fun Fact: The Southern Right whale is known to frequent the area around Hermanus from June to December. But not January. When we visited. In January. To the place known almost entirely for whale watching. Most of the year, with the noted exception of, January.

Destination #4 – The Southern Tip of Africa

• Distance from Cape Town: 180KM / ~2h55
• Location: Cape Agulhus
• Length of Stay: 30 minutes
• Overview: As the official birthplace to the infamous “double duvet” (an inside joke known to only 3 people, 2 of which most definitely do not read this blog), Cape Agulhus is probably better known as home to the southernmost point of the African continent. With only 2,500 miles of vomit-inducing ocean separating visitors from the frozen tundra of Antarctica, the site itself would be that much more impressive if a few minor updates were put in place:
  • The “point” itself were actually a “point,” and not a relatively flat coastline
  • There weren't approximately 20-30 yards of additional land BEHIND (i.e. further south) the sign indicating your presence at this noteworthy non-pointy point
  • A telescope for the Flat Earthers in the group
• Our Personal Synopsis: Another check on the “obscure places visited” list
• Fun Fact: Cape Point, located at the southernmost part of the Cape Peninsula (~200KM away), is NOT the southernmost point of Africa, despite 99% of tourists claiming such in their Instagram captions. But it really should be. Paints a much better picture.

Destination #5 - Malagas

• Distance from Cape Town: 248KM / ~3h05
• Location: Middle of absolutely nowhere (Population = 44)
• Length of Stay: 2 nights
• Overview: As the more-affordable lodging destination for those venturing into the remote De Hoop Nature Reserve, the “human settlement” of Malagas is essentially a partially stocked general store, surrounded by miles upon miles of dirt roads, and the occasional farm which has come to the realization that renting out their property as an Airbnb is much more profitable than a couple gallons of goats’ milk. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances (detailed below), most of our time in this remote region of South Africa was spent counting the hours until our departure.
• Our Personal Synopsis: Please read below
• Fun Fact: Malagas is also spelled Malgas. Which pretty much is the only interesting thing I could come up with for an area known to all our South African friends as “Where? Never heard of it.” 

The Tale of the Two Tantalized Tires

Due to its remote location, the only way to access Malagas is via a poorly maintained dirt road that apparently is graded once every 75 years. With the road resembling more of an obstacle course of “pointy rocks,” the 14-inch tires on our trusty VW Polo were no match for the rough terrain, succumbing to a flat tire just over halfway through our journey along the 45km gravel path. After impressing the family with my tire-changing abilities (i.e., the car didn’t fall off the jack), it was not but fifteen minutes later whereby another tire (i.e., not the original OR the spare) found itself yielding to the powers of deflation. And as cars do not typically have two spare tires, well, we luckily were able to limp our way to our lodge, before coming to following conclusion – Well, shit.

With the following day spent being towed to the closest town, over an hour away, I soon came to learn quite a great deal about our intended destination:

1. Tow Truck Driver – “This is the worst road I’ve ever driven on”
2. Tire Shop Owner – “Yeah, this is definitely NOT the car you should be driving to Malagas”
3. Tire Shop Owner (again) – “Almost everyone from Malagas carries two spare tires with them at all times. And they drive trucks, with tires that can handle the road. Not tiny hatchbacks.”
4. Tire Shop Owner (he really liked to cement his point) – “Good luck getting back, we may be seeing you again tomorrow.”
5. Airbnb Owner – “Oh so sorry to hear. We DO mention on our listing that a 4x4 is recommended, which of course is more than sufficient to cover our liability for this incident” (I paraphrased a tad)

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Thus, after replacing the two flat tires which were no match for the road to Malagas, I had to return once again, on the road to Malagas, in the car completely unsuitable for the road to Malagas, to collect my family. Only to make the journey back, along the road to Malagas, the following day. Because, with no rental car facilities within 2 hours, and the notion of Uber quite hilarious to anyone curious enough to ask, a teeth-gritting journey is all one can hope for. Which, thankfully, was survived by both us and our car, albeit after traveling at half the speed limit. Fun times indeed.

Destination #6 - Bontebok National Park

• Distance from Cape Town: 232KM / ~3h15

• Location: Swellendam
• Length of Stay: 90 bumpy-ass minutes
• Overview: Home to its namesake, Bontebok National Park is the equivalent of a farmer buying a bunch of deer, scattering them across his property, and then somehow bribing the government to consider his land protected. Oh yeah, there’s also a road, but it goes nowhere near the actual animals themselves. But hey, at least we checked another national park off our list!
• Overview (Editor Edition): For some reason, Mark thought it would be a good idea to visit this park, which not only had no animals, but the only way to see these invisible animals, was to drive along a gravel road, WORSE than the one to Malagas. Apparently, no lessons were learned from the last few days.
• Our Personal Synopsis: No comment
• Fun Fact (Editor Edition): After almost 8 years of marriage, there is nothing more rewarding then suffering a painful experience, and not even having to tell your spouse “I told you so,” as it beyond implied by the experience itself.

Almost 2,000 words later, and I don’t think a conclusion is needed at this point. 
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Onto the pics: