The Voyage (Part 1) – If At First You Don’t Succeed, Trying Again Won’t Work Either

On August 25th 2020, a date which will live in infamy (primarily for our parents), our plan to move to South Africa took a significant leap towards reality. Purchasing one-way tickets from Houston to Johannesburg on Qatar Airways, for the COVID-inspired price of $400/person (hurray for the impact of worldwide catastrophe on flight prices!), the only obstacles that stood in our path were:

1. Our sanity
2. A pesky “pandemic” that only seemed to be having a significant impact on those residing in boot-shaped countries
3. An overwhelming amount of planning (which primarily involved questions like – “can I please donate this?” or “why do we need 3 waffle makers when we haven’t made waffles since 2016?”)

For approximately 334 days, everything seemed to be going according to plan. Our storage unit was filling up with belongings (i.e. 2 of 3 waffle makers). Our overdue-for-repair house project list was slowly dwindling away (i.e. build shelves for extra waffle makers). And of course that pesky pandemic had essentially transformed into an inevitable part of humanity's future (i.e. maybe it's time to move on to pancakes?)

And then on the morning of Sunday July 25th 2021, the day of our departure*, everything changed. Over the course of the next 72 hours, our lives fulfilled the callings of almost every negative idiom ever written – “when it rains it pours,” “bad things happen in threes,” or my new personal favorite, the old Urdu saying: “Agues come on horseback but go away on foot.”

​And while Agues is not a person who had somehow misplaced a 1,400 lb animal, which was my initial assumption (3 gold stars to editor-in-chief Julie for that catch), Agues IS associated to the primary symptoms of Malaria, which in post-editing hindsight does seem pretty apropros for the whole illness & Africa themes of this blog. Nonetheless, to summarize, our well-laid plans hit a slight "hiccup." And what better way to encapsulate travel-related "hiccups" then by digging deep into my treasure chest of HTML coding knowledge, and rocking out one of the best looking tables you may ever behold:

Not Another Damn Travel Blog - The Official "Travel Hiccup" Table:
WARNING - Mobile (i.e. non laptop/PC) formatting is complete garbage. Damn you free website editor! Good luck with the eye exam iPhone-only readers.

"Travel Hiccup" Basic Description	"Travel Hiccup" Detailed Description	Post Travel Hiccup Official Response
Finn wakes up sick	On the day of departure, after having withheld Finn from daycare for 2 weeks to PREVENT any untimely illnesses, we are hit with, an untimely illness	Not ideal, but we can probably delay a few days
Unable to change flight tickets over the phone	Qatar Airways apparently takes the Chick-Fil-A approach to operating its Call Center (i.e. not open when you really want them to be open -- aka Sundays)	I guess we are driving 3 hours to the Houston Airport now?
Unable to change flight tickets at the airport	So not only is their Call Center closed on weekends, but Qatar Airways, the #1 rated airline in the world, I may add, do not have a physicial ticketing presence at the airport?	Evidently there is no need to cater to those rare few who need to, I don’t know, make a flight change?
Unable to board flight	With multiple family Pediatricians declaring Finn's illness as "survivable, but not without a miserable journey ahead," a last minute attempt is made to board the plane. This of course is thwarted by a 103.1 degree temperature reading	Ah yes, I forgot we are flying during a pandamic. Touché Qatar Airways, touché.
Hotel room booked	After having mentally prepared a 3 year old for the past month for his exciting "journey to Africa," an attempt is made to create as much excitement for a stay at the Springhill Suites Intercontinental Airport Hotel	Free breakfast Lincoln! Free breakfast!!
Finn pays a visit to the ER	Diagnosed with RSV (i.e. "cold from hell"), multiple ear infections and a general air of desolation, most common in UM fans when they realize we are going to lose to OSU for the nteenth year in a row (this seems like it's becomming a theme in these blogs)	Probably a good thing we didn't make it on that plane...
​Flight tickets officially changed	After 1 hour 43 minutes, immersed in the most entrancing "hold music" that would put even Mozart to shame, we are finally able to rebook the flight that we were not allowed to board. For the bargain basement price of only $1,400!	​We almost forgot how much we loved Qatar Airways there for a second
COVID re-test	With the majority of the world requiring a 72-hour-prior-to-departure negative COVID PCR test, our prior "brain scratching" experience had unforutnately passed its "use by" date	What could possibly go wrong during an unprecendented surge in cases in Texas?
Julie tests positive for COVID	After 18 months of being one of the more cautious families in our "bubble," our well-earned reward is a nice slap of irony	Moderna, we expected more out of you. Maybe you will fare better against Iota, or even Omega. ​
Panic at the Disco	An attempt at "contact tracing" is made, masks are officially implanted onto faces 24/7 and the logistical nightmare of rescheduling an entire itinerary with no actual dates, officially commences	"Yes, I would like to rebook my flight for approximately 48-72 hours after my wife tests negative, which will be in 10-90 days"
Back to Austin we go	With our home officially rented, an attempt to find a new, infection-friendly home is successful thanks to the "reverse snowbird" Tucker family (i.e. move north in the summer)	Congrats guys, you made the blog! Thanks for letting us superspread your home!
Self-induced Quarantine (i.e. Groundhog Day x 14)	​Morning walk, play time, COVID re-test, screen time, lunch, nap, outdoor pool time, drive around aimlessly for 45-60 minutes, more screen time, dinner, anxiously await COVID test from two days prior to determine if we leave the following day, attempt to sleep. Repeat, repeat, now I get why Bill Murray went crazy, repeat.	Super excited for the next Pandemic. This one has truly been top notch.
COVID re-test(s)	With CVS providing a very reliable timeframe for test results ("On average, test results are typically available in 2-3 days, but may take longer due to the current surge in COVID-19"), the waiting game begins	Normally I withhold my irrational anxiety for the 4th quarter of UM/OSU games. This year however, I make an exception. (Told you it'd be a theme)
NEGATIVE!	Having received our results 24 hours prior to our most recently-modified departure date, we attempt to mentally prepare ourselves for a variety of unfortunate scenarios which more-than-likely may occur given our prior "luck." Damn you Agues and your lost horse!	Blog Readers, let me please introduce you to Frane Selak. He wins.
Rinse & Repeat	Let's just say we had a lot of practice at this point, and it came in quite handy when attempting to retrace our steps	Take that Allen Iverson!

With no further "hiccups" preventing our eventual departure for South Africa, we looked back at our experience, not as a mild form of mental torture (queue the general COVID sentiment -- "I love my kids and all, but....) but as an acknowledgement that our failed travel attempts were probably for the best. Since, if Finn had not fallen ill, an unknowingly COVID-carrying Julie would’ve been her own personal superspreader event, becoming contagious right around the time we crossed over the Atlantic.

And although masks are required on planes, they are not required during meals, which ironically is when the entire damn plane takes them off off to devour some version of “chicken a la something” which has been cooked more thoroughly than a piece of coal. But yeah, back to the original point, we saved people’s lives. We’re like the opposite of John Wick (or for those that are as "woke" as my editor-in-chief Julie, Christopher Columbus).
 
* For the sake of the "seamlessness" of this post, I may have omitted that July 25th 2021 was actually our previously-rescheduled departure date. With the initial departure date of July 18th 2021 delayed due to COVID, South African riots and an unfinished deck which had all but consumed my existence up until that point. But let's not let details get in the way of a good ole fashioned pitty party *

Onto the pics (which I must forewarn you, have an excitement level hovering around 0.2)
​

Next Post: The Voyage (Part 2) - Layover in Doha

Editor's Note - After my vain attempt to solicit comments on the last post, NO comments were received (insert sad panda emoji). Mark's self-esteem is at a disturbingly low level. Thus, I officially resort to bribery. Best comment (measured solely on an LOL-rating scale) on this post wins themselves a memorable mention in the subsequent post. Commence!