195 Ways to Fight a Pandemic – The South Africa Edition

In approaching a topic for this week’s blog post, made especially difficult given Mother Nature’s decision to put a literal dampener on any potential blog-worthy activities over the last week, I decided I would broach a subject that just seems like it hasn’t had enough coverage in our lives as of late – COVID-19. You know, that thing that literally has taken everything great about life, and now made it a shell of its former self? Yes, that.

Now, the reason I wanted to discuss COVID-19 specifically, is I have been putting a lot of thought into why South Africa, a country that should have been utterly decimated by COVID (i.e. poor healthcare system, high percentage of AIDS, general Third Worldness), has actually fared, relatively ok? Whereas other more “advanced” nations, much more capable of handling such an event, have fared, well, not so well. And the only way to answer this ever-present question, involved digging into the various “approaches” that have been taken by different countries over the last 18 months. As to determine, what has worked terribly, and what has worked somewhat less terribly.

Onward we go!

• Australia – The “Soup Nazi” Approach – Officially declaring “No COVID for you!” the Aussies initial, and fairly “aggressive” attempt at combatting the pandemic involved shutting down the country at any sign of a runny nose. While objectively successful at first, the country was doomed once everyone finished watching Netflix, at which point, boredom hit and the pitchforks came out, resulting in a tossing of this inevitably-failed technique. On a positive note, at least they will have a new variant named after them 3-4 months down the road once they catch-up to the rest of us! I vote for Omega. Hindsight Rating = 3/10

 

• Sweden – The “Taunting” Approach – Looking COVID in the eye, declaring “is that the best you got?” Sweden found itself like many who utter such a phrase in iconic movies or shows – In for an ass-whooping. And an ass-whopping they got. But at least they had fun and were the envy of the world for a few months beforehand! Hindsight Rating = 2/10

 

• Tanzania – The “Conspiracist” Approach – Out of the 195 countries in this world (give or take a couple declared-but-not-recognized), Tanzania definitely wins the award for most “Alex Jones-esque” approach to COVID, literally declaring the entire thing a myth. With prayer and ginger tea the two key elements in fighting off this “new strain of flu,” Tanzania officially declared itself COVID-free late last year. Until of course their President, who was already “missing” for several weeks, sadly passed away of, “not COVID.” Approach Rating = ?/10 (as they don’t report any statistics, this one is a little tougher to measure. I’m just gonna go with 1)

 

• United Kingdom – The “Fuck It All To Hell” Approach – Despite being fairly progressive in their initial attempts to thwart the virus, the UK eventually just threw it ALL in the dumpster and declared full-on natural selection (i.e. no social distancing, no masks, just go back to licking doorknobs and whatnot). Luckily for us, this has already resulted in the manufacturing of a brand new variant to share with everyone else, and it even has a “plus” in the name! Sounds super fun, thank guys! Approach Rating = 1/10

 

• United States – The “Science-Based” Approach – While this approach, with a heavy reliance on science and facts, should theoretically be successfully, unfortunately in the States, it was doomed to fail. Since, with opinions, conspiracies and some random kid named Q carrying greater weight than the time-tested notions of facts and truths, well, it’s like Mike Judge only predicted the cookie cutter version of our apocalyptic society. Approach Rating = 4/10.

While countless other countries have used some variation of the above 5 approaches, at the end of the day, the result has always been the same – Lots of cases, lots of deaths, no end in sight. Yet, despite this fact, there actually have been a few nations which have moreorless “weathered the storm,” and have managed to do so while keeping the lights on: South Korea, Taiwan, China, Hong Kong.

Now, despite the obvious link between these four economically-successful Asian nations, all with top-rated healthcare systems, in addition to a historical precedence for “mask culture,” I feel as if there is something more than just the above variables that have resulted in their relative success in combatting COVID. Something, that actually is more of an “unmeasurable” aspect, that truly differentiates them from rest. And may be the key in what feels like our never-ending fight against this sh*t-show – Selflessness. Or, in other words, a deep-rooted culture that puts country ahead of self. Creates priority for a symbolic notion ahead of self-preservation. Oh yes, and comes with lots of soy sauce too. With the latter’s impact on antibodies still pending CDC analysis.

Which finally leads me back to South Africa (yes, took a while, I know) – A nation that once was as divided as they come, now in a period of “healing” with Apartheid only having ended just one generation ago. A country that, despite having one of the largest gaps between social classes in the world, has approached this pandemic with relative collaboration amongst all. Rich, poor, black, white, young, old. All in this together. Because, unlike most countries in the world, this generation of South Africans have experienced a life much worse than what they are currently living through today. And thus, a couple sacrifices here and there are worth it, especially in order to protect what they have built over the last 25 years alone.

Yet, despite this unified approach, South Africa is still unfortunately doomed to its own reality. A relatively poor nation, wrought with systemic poverty, a failing public healthcare system, and almost a quarter of the population living in, what many would deem, unlivable conditions. Conditions where the concepts of “hand washing” and “social distancing” are essentially impossible to practice. All these factors combined have led South Africa to the only approach that is feasible in their given situation:

• The “Chuck Norris” Approach – When the shit hits the fan, and it has to hit the fan (I mean, this is a Chuck Norris movie), then roundhouse kick it back to the ground. Or in Dr Fauci terms, use everything in your means to keep the bad waves short, and the time between them, long. So in essence, do this. And not, this.

And what better way to describe this collaborative kung fu’ery than by breaking it down into the most combative parts of the COVID-19 response:

• Masks:
  • Mandate = Required to be worn by ALL persons over the age of 5 when in a public place
  • In Practice = Almost impossible to find someone indoors without a mask, with most outside still wearing them, even if they are walking along the highway 83 miles away from civilization. Not to worry though, the "chin condom" look is still one of the more popular outdoor utilizations of a mask
  • Overall = Apparently when you live in a country with real issues, wearing a mask fails to be one of them

 

• Vaccines:
  • Mandate = None, highly recommended for all over the age of 12. Rumors are abound in regard to potential “vaccine passports” as to attend sporting events, concerts, or other large gatherings.
  • In Practice = With almost 25% of the population fully vaccinated, and a supplyds to vaccinate up to 70% by years end, there has been no slow-down in the steady uptick in vaccinations since the program began its very late start earlier this April. As with every country however, hesitancy does exist. Although, its presence here in South Africa, does seems slightly more justified given their “history” and all that
  • Overall = Referred to as a “COVID jab,” the name itself just seems more fun

 

• Hand Sanitizing:
  • Mandate = ALL businesses are required to provide both customers and employees access to hand santizer (or as Lincoln likes to call it, "hanitizer")
  • In Practice = Literally every building in this country has either a cheaply-made-contraption that spits out hand sanitizer when stepped on, or a person who will chase you through the store to spray your hands if you try to avoid them. And yes, everyone does it.
  • Overall = Whether the “liquid” in these contraptions/bottles is actually hand sanitizer or just re-used floor cleaner is still up for debate. Regardless, if it doesn’t eat away at your hand, at least it’s going to kill the virus

 

• Other Measures:
  • Sign-In Sheets - In certain restaurants, bars and other "high-capacity venues," there are “sign-in” sheets where people take their temperature, and jot down their contact information. Which surprisingly almost everyone does, despite being almost entirely honor system based. Hopefully you are noticing a theme here.
  • Alcohol Bans - When times are especially tough, a general ban of alcohol sales goes into effect. Not because drunk people are likely to get COVID. But because drunk people do dumb things. And dumb things require hospital beds. And hospital beds, well, they are pretty helpful nowadays.
  • Curfew - Again, people's decision making skills tend to decline after 2AM. And thus, depending on the severity of COVID at the time, at home you must stay.

 
In the end, our personal journey through COVID-19 in South Africa has actually been one of relief. Relief that, despite the low number of vaccinations and previously sky-rocketing cases, everyone here is abiding by the Fauci Playbook. And they are doing so, not only for themselves, but for all those around them. Which at the end of the day, is all you can really ask for. A selfless society of which to be apart, riding it out until the next random dude decices to get his Pangolin fix on. Aaaaaaand scene.

Onto the pics: