Wild Coast – A Little Taste of the O.G. South Africa

As one of the more remote areas in all of South Africa, the aptly-named Wild Coast is just that – Miles upon miles of rugged coastline that stretches for as far as the eye can see. Spectacular landscapes dotted with pristine beaches that, anywhere else in the world, would be packed with visitors throughout the year. Yet here in South Africa are only sparsely populated, as the term “off-the-beaten” path fails to depict how detached this region is from modern society. Like Chernobyl, minus that whole pesky radiation thing.

With a 4x4 necessary to access most locations, everywhere else is a white-knuckle exercise in avoiding the various “obstacles” presented before you on what passes as a “road” in this infrastructure-free part of the world. From potholes that are more prevalent than the actual road itself, to an endless array of suicidal cows, goats, sheep & even the occasional pig, the level of focus one must dedicate to the road would make any Sears-based driving instructor proud.

What makes the Wild Coast so special though, aside from its jaw-dropping geography, is its place in South African history. Previously known as the “Transkei,” and the ancestral home to the Xhosa people, the Wild Coast is the one area of this African nation that has been relatively untouched by colonialism.  An exceptionally amazing notion when considering that almost everywhere in the modern world has been impacted in some form by the adult-version of your 5-year-old declaring “MINE!”

Yet, as you drive along the undulated hills, populated by round rondavel huts that literally “speckle” the horizon, you truly realize you are somewhere special. Somewhere that has been defined by the people who originated here and not by the impact of those willing to “extend their grasp” (i.e. avocado toast & pilates have yet to make their presence known). Even during Apartheid, the Transkei represented a self-governed “designated homeland” for multiple tribes of South Africa (which, for what it’s worth, is still fiercely debated due to its underlying racist ambitions).

Nevertheless, it remains today as it remained in the past. With of course the noted exception of those rare few who are willing to rock up in their bright white, and sorely undersized Toyota Corollas, to have a “look see.”

And a look, and a see, we had.

Now, as one of the less “googleable” travel destinations in the world, there isn’t a massive surplus of information as it relates to wayfaring through the Wild Coast. For the most part, any information that is eventually shared by like-minded travelers usually recounts an experience that in one-way-or-another, involves a cow, a poorly maintained road, and a flat tire. Otherwise, the same “mantra” seems to apply to any of the various sites in the region: “An opportunity to unwind and find yourself in nature.” Or in the slightly altered words of Ruth Langmore, “There ain’t shit for shit here.”

Which is why I present the following semi-informative section, in hopes of painting a clearer picture of the realities of traveling to one of the few “untouched” destinations in the world:

A Brief Visitors Guide to the Wild Coast of South Africa:

• The Wild Coast spans approximately 350 “coastal kilometers” (or in more relatable terms, the approximate distance from New York City to Boston)

 

• Of the 20 or so coastal villages which have found their way onto the “tourist trail,” most seem to follow some version of the below “formula”:

 

• Accessibility = Anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours off the main highway (with the condition of the access road ranging from “newly-paved” to “what is this asphalt you speak of?”). And with no road running along the actual coast itself, traveling BETWEEN coastal villages involves 1 of 2 options:
  • Option #1 – Backtrack all the way to the main highway (i.e. an obstacle course resembling a less suburban version of Paperboy)
  • Option #2 – Attempt to navigate the “village roads,” which without a 4x4, is all-but guaranteed to leave your tires (and undercarriage) in a swiss-cheese-like state

 

• Accommodation – The selection is fairly sparse, with only a handful of the below choices within each village (prices based on family of 4):
  • Home Stay ($25-50/night) – “Live Like a Local” - An opportunity to immerse yourself in the lives of the local Xhosa people – A culture that has produced the likes of Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu, and of course, this jam
  • Backpackers ($75/night) – “College Without the College” – Reminisce about a time in life where dorm-style beds, slightly-stained sheets and a smattering of “don’t worry that’s only gecko poop” was, well, normal. Everything else (e.g., bath towels, bedside tables/lamps, more than ½ a roll of single-ply toilet paper) falls into the category of “unnecessary luxury item”
  • Self-Catering Guest Houses ($100/night) – “Off-the-Grid Airbnb” – Just like a normal house, with the slight exception that standard functionalities (e.g., hot water, electricity, cell phone service) all operate on a “semi-functional” basis
  • Hotel/Resorts ($150/night) – “Fanci-ish” - Imagine a Red Roof Inn catered by Gordon Ramsay, and that more or less summarizes the select “all-inclusive” hotels which populate the region. A little rough around the edges, but hot damn the food is tasty.
    • For context, booking.com has approximately 200 or so properties available across the ENTIRE Wild Coast region (where as the city of Cape Town alone has over 1,500)

 

• Restaurants = As the entire region tailors primarily to “self-catering” travelers, the only restaurants you will find are located in select hotel/resorts, or in the back corner of some random ladies’ kitchen who decided she actually could feed a village. Either way, the food is surprisingly amazing (if of course you are surprised by the notion that fish cooked within 10 minutes of being caught is amazing), and per the theme of most of this past year, unbelievably inexpensive.

 

• Other = Grocery stores, ATMs, shops, gas stations & essentially any other semblance of civilization can only be found several hours away (i.e., back on the main highway). Hell, even attempting to find ice will undoubtedly have locals either stare blankly at you or laugh at the absurdity of your request.

Now that you are thoroughly-informed with knowledge that will most likely never have any real-life application (a fairly common theme amongst these blog posts), it is time to segue over to the section whereby I attempt to summarize some of the highlights which comprised our time in this unique part of Southern Africa:

 Trip Highlights:

• Pre-Trip – Imagine if Southwest Airlines, United Airlines, Jet Blue & Spirit ALL declared bankruptcy and liquidated themselves a few weeks later (something that at least would be shocking for the first three listed). And that would be the equivalent of what happened to the South African domestic airline industry with the shuttering of the #1 operator in the country – Comair. In the blink of an eye, 40% of the countries domestic flights were canceled, leaving travelers, such as ourselves, in a desperate search for alternative options. And while South Africa luckily has very strict measures to prevent price gouging (ya know, cause of the whole “50% of people live in poverty” thing), we still had to pay almost double our original price as the demise of Comair came only 5 days before our intended departure. Thanks, Covid/Obama.

 

• Destination #1: Chintsa – A small coastal village, set amongst towering cliffs, overlooking a lagoon-fed river emptying into the ocean.
  • Buccaneers Backpackers – Previously visited almost 14 years prior, Buccaneers was THE “backpacking mecca” of South Africa at the time. More of a small village than your stereotypical European backpackers, “Bucs” literally defined the blueprint of twenty-something travel at the time. From planned daily activities, “family meals,” and of course nightly theme parties, it was no surprise that most visitors to this tiny part of the world ending up “extending” their visits indefinitely. Fast forward almost two decades later, and while the “Bucs Blueprint” still exists, the role of rampant alcoholism has definitely taken a backseat, especially as the “target market” is now in the age group that are relatively decimated by 2 or more alcoholic beverages in a single seating. And while the tried-and-tested under-sized-yet-over-populated dorm rooms are still packed with those of the younger generation, us “oldskies” can now enjoy an extremely bare-boned, yet private, ocean-view 2-bedroom cabin. 
  • Tea in the Trees Market – Just imagine a garage sale, but under the guise of “farmers market,” and that more or less summarizes Tea in the Trees. A handful of locals, several make-shift stands comprising all their crap, and of course, tea & biscuits. Time to queue up Ruth Langmore again.

 

• Destination #2: Coffee Bay - A small coastal village, set amongst towering cliffs, overlooking a… you guessed it, lagoon-fed river emptying into the ocean​
  • Hike to Hole-in-the-Wall – Another bucket-list-to-repeat item from my past trip to the Wild Coast, the 9km journey from Coffee Bay to the appropriately-named “Hole in the Wall,” was by far one of the best hikes of our entire year in South Africa. Thanks to a combination of epic scenery, an uninterrupted view of ocean-based wildlife (never-ending dolphin pods, breaching whales), and of course our 4-year-old missioning through it all, the 3-4 hour hike was one for the ages. And at the end, a hole. In, the wall. As implied by the name of our journey. Geology never fails to keep its promises.
  • Beach Cows – “What are cows doing on the beach?! That is so silly!” Well said Finn, well said.

 

• Destination #3: Morgan’s Bay - A small coastal village, set amongst towering cliffs, overlooking a lagoon-fed river emptying into (any guesses??) … the ocean​
  • Nelson Mandela Museum – Less a museum, and more of an elaborate storage facility for the 200+ life-size busts & statues of Nelson Mandela. Although to be fair, while there is a good bit of information on the life of this extraordinary man, our ability to digest any of it was quickly thwarted by the limited attention span of two unnamed individuals that comprise our family.
  • “Child Minders” – I have spent more than enough time discussing how our year abroad has presented us with the “opportunity” to spend 24 (less 4) / 7 with our children - Something that has aged us like a fine wine… stored in a Texas attic. Thus, when learning that our “resort” in Morgan’s Bay provided a dedicated person, to watch our children. All. Day. Long. And. Night. For. Free. Well... (also, FWIW, I was today-years-old when discovering this song was sung by Kool & The Gang, and not a bunch of kids during a bar mitzvah)
  • “Treasure Beach” – Apparently in the early 1600s, a Portuguese ship, carrying Ming dynasty porcelain, sunk off-shore with its whereabouts still unknown to this day. However, during every low tide, small fragments of the “treasure” wash on shore, providing visitors an amazing opportunity to nab their own piece of history. Unless of course, there is another family that arrives just BEFORE you, and are adamant about taking all fragments for themselves. In which case, it’s just a regular beach that is completely out-of-your-way. #f*ckthatfamily

Onto the pics: