As an official rite of passage into the Soskolne family, the hike to the top of Table Mountain is something that generations of individuals bearing this ever-difficult-to-pronounce-last-name have accomplished. No easy feat by any standards, the 2-5 hour hike (depending on the route, weather, trail-finding-abilities) is the perfect test to earn one’s place into a telemarketers nightmare. Thus, when Julie decided that her future would be that of a Soskolne, only one obstacle stood her path: The 3,558 foot rising plateau overlooking the city of Cape Town.
With several hundred paths of varying length and difficulty, there are 3 primary ways to place yourself on top of Table Mountain: 1. Cable Car - $12 and a lack of adventure will get you to the top in a mere 4-5 minutes. No thanks. 2. Platteklip Gorge – Approximately 2 hours of climbing never-ending rock staircases along endless switchbacks. Difficulty assured, boredom guaranteed. Hmmmm, maybe. 3. India Venster – 3 hour hike encompassing strenuous climbing, rock scrambles and a “bit” of free climbing. Designated for “experienced climbers only”, with “DANGER” signs every which way. Sounds perfect! Now, I will be honest. As an avid hiker of India Venster during my time living in Cape Town, my ability to recall the several near-death experiences I encountered only seemed to enter my memory as Julie and I began to come across them during our hike (approximately 2-3 hours too late). Thus, I can only take partial blame for what occurred. My shitty memory deserves the rest. Onto the hike (summarized in my favorite hiking blog format): 11:00AM – After a hearty breakfast of bread, jam and an array of fruit, commence our “definitely no more than 3 hour” hike along the India Venster trail 11:01AM – Unsuccessfully attempt to validate that our unmarked starting point (determined via the good ole never-going-to-lead-you-astray random google search) is accurate. No confirmation provided. Good enough for me! 11:30AM – Encounter first “decision.” Yellow-painted footprints pointing left, or useless fuzzy memory (and of course no yellow footprints) steering me right. Right we go. 11:45AM – Trail “surprisingly” ends at a 2,000 foot drop, with nowhere to go but to the afterlife. Damn you useless memory. 12:00PM – Back to yellow footprints. Make mental note to follow in the future. 12:15PM – Yellow footprints have once again disappeared, although small piles of human-placed-rocks keep me assured that the correct path is being taken. Julie inquires if I am sure. Obviously… 12:45PM – Julie mentions yellow footprints for 832nd time as we continue up a trail that now has gone from well-worn to non-existent. I push along with unconfident confidence as “something” is up ahead. 1:00PM – “Something” up ahead turns into 2,500 foot drop to… yup, afterlife. Mild panic overwhelms senses. Attempt to avoid showing Julie face of “uhhhh, I have absolutely no idea where to go” 1:01PM – Reassurance provided by nearby male model who has also gone astray in his hike (yup, just a random male model being fine and whatnot) 1:30PM – Miraculously trace our path back to erred decision point. Yellow footprints galore to the left. Our original footprints obviously go right (I seem to be a sucker for that direction...) 1:45PM – Encounter “free climbing” section whereby no path exists aside from scaling near-vertical 30 foot wall. Later google search reveals climb only for “those with rock climbing experience.” Obviously. 1:50PM – Boom, piece of cake. 1:51PM – Shit, another. Slightly harder. “I promise this is the last one.” 1:52PM – 2:45PM – Repeat 8-9 times. Attempt to ignore mental images of headlines stating “Honeymoon Couple Dies During Tragic Hiking Accident” as I hold onto Julie for dear life during more “problematic” sections. 2:45PM – “Last one” = Last one. (see what I did there??) 4:00PM – Arrive to top of Table Mountain after a cult-like following of yellow footprints. Only 3 5 hours later. Welcome to the family Julie! Despite the slight “detours” encountered along the way, in addition to several sections of “precarious” climbs, our 5-hour journey up the mountain where “nobody ever dies” was not as nerve-wracking as one would think, until later friends and family (in addition to countless articles) confirmed that “tons of people DO die”… especially along India Venster. So yeah, my decision-making as a now-husband needs a tad work. My wife, however, well, she was awesome. No complaining. No whining. Just channeling her inner mountain goat. One badass mountain goat. And thankfully still alive mountain goat. Onto the pics:
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